Note: this is an old post, but I was re-reading it and started laughing out loud, so figured I’d share it with some of my new readers!

I'm not a t.v. watcher.  So, when my husband went to a Corvette show out of town, it was no surprise that it took me four days to get around to turning on the television.

I hit the 'on' button.  The little red light that is supposed to turn blue when it turns on just blinked....and blinked...and blinked.  No t.v.
Okay, I'm a fairly smart individual, so I ran through all the things you do at a time like this- uplug and replug it, take the batteries out of the remote and replace them, try to manually turn it on, check the cables, make sure the plug-in is actually active, threaten to throw it away, and hit it.

No effect.  So I call my husband.  He starts to list the same things I've already done.  I interrupt him to remind him I'm a member of Mensa (basically, a club for smart people who try to convince each other that the world doesn't hate us because we lecture them on proper spelling....ex: see last post), and that I already did those things.  He asked why I called him then, and I admit I just called to so I could bitch to someone that the t.v. wasn't working.  

About two hours later, the t.v. randomly turns on.  It has been doing this for two days now.  It turns on by itself, and rarely can I actually MAKE it turn on.

I've considered holy water, but figured that wouldn't go real well with the electronics.  I've considered an exorcism, but don't know if the Church would approve an exorcism for a television.  I've also considered throwing it in the trash, but my husband might kill me.

Any suggestions?

My scale and I have a complicated relationship.  We chat every morning.  And around noon.  And in the afternoon.  And, of course, at bedtime. 

Other females may find this scenario familiar- after dieting and exercising perfectly for a week, the scale has gone UP two pounds.  After giving in and eating approximately 4,000 calories for dinner, the scale goes down a pound.  And, of course, should there be an event coming up, the scale will stay at the same weight despite any attempt to get it to budge. 

I've finally figured out WHY the scales are doing this to us- I mean, there must be some deeper purpose to their continual torture of us females. 

They have a long-term plan to take over the world.  Their plan is two part.  They will first cause every female who approaches a scale to kill herself out of sheer desperation.  Without the females to continue the species, the males will die out. 
They will then be the rulers of the world. 

Even knowing there plan, I cannot stay away.  I suspect that my final epitaph will read: "In heaven, may she find peace and weigh 80 pounds."